Ah, books...

From Other People's Love Letters edited by Bill Shapiro

I really liked this one...this is only the last half of the entry, though:

"If you were here now
we'd get in trouble.
The stewardesses would have to
pull us apart, then send one
to sit up front and the other
in back
We'd get a scolding at the
airport, an asterisk by our
names for future flights,
then released, promising to never
ever again, salsa dance with
the seatbelt sign on."

This one rendered me speechless.

me:  "Hey Melissa, I was back at the computers & overheard this guy listening to his music - do you remember that old Billy Ocean song Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car?"
Melissa, shaking her head: "I don't watch Spongebob."

Bonnie, again

Making a reminder note to herself:
"Bring a bad picture of Brian."

2 seconds ago

"Marshall, don't lick the counter."

Family Look-Alikes

A child was looking at our new TV screen behind the check out desk, & pointed out one of the photographs to her mom.  Her mom's reply was, "Honey, that's Walter Cronkite.  That's not Poppi."

Revenge!

To the custodian:  "Just for that, I'm putting my gum in the garbage without a tissue!"

Offspring = comic relief

On the way to school this morning, me, responding to something Nix said:  "That's not nice!"
Nix:  "Well, I am The Toilet Destroyer!"

Been saving up.

Heard near the restrooms:  "This is the Womens', you're going into the boys', Mom!"
-
At the library:  "I'm leaving to find someplace quiet."  (In our defense, the construction can be pretty distracting, but it's not our fault!)
-
me:  "Do you want me to walk down there for you because of your groin problem?"
Sharon:  "No, I'm on drugs!"
-
"I'm not all that fond of exaltation, either."

Mispronunciation

I was telling a coworker about one man's inability to pronounce Cache as 'kash' rather than 'kash-ay'.  He protested that it was French.  My coworker said, "Did you tell him, um, in America then, Butte would then be pronounced 'boot-ay'?"

Even when I'm at work for only half a day, there's still a plethora of goodies...

"Brett's too cool for hydrocortisone!"

and

"You must have come down with perversion!  There's no cure for that!"

Work has such an abundance of possibilities.

Melissa, to Sharon: "Do you need me to help you with the Unknown?"

Yes, this person makes me wonder, just exactly how smart is he?

At the fair, "Cows are awesome.  They say moo."

From our newest coworker - who knew she'd be an ovrheard star?

"I always have butt-crack issues..."

Itty Bitty Draper City

"So basically I need to drive around town looking for a big boob...a single big boob."

This was in response to one of the pictures for Itty Bitty Draper City at the library.  Some people just have dirty minds.

another jewel from the offspring

"Mommy, will you please smell my armpit?"

Sugar Packet Football

I was complaining about my lack of scoring during our game at IHOP yesterday, & this was Nix's response:
"That's cuz your flicking power is bad."

I really did hear her correctly...

"At my house we don't shower with boxes."

A patron to her child:

The librarian was trying to remember a title for this patron, & her child (as children do) kept interrupting to ask a question.
"Don't interrupt, she's trying to find a brainwave!"

Food for Thought

"Friends are for rainy days, and sunny ones, too."
                      -from Pepperoni Pizza Can Be Murder by Chris Cavender
 
     -How many true friends do you think are really out there?  Ones that stick around for both the sunny days & the rainy ones?

Fun Science

"Hey Justin, come see Nicky's experiment in the bathroom."

And the other day, Dad said, "I dreamed in French last night.  I couldn't understand myself, though."

And they wonder why I go home at night & cry...

A cow-orker (Happy Birthday, Dad!) was discussing Magneto with another cow-orker.  He was just teasing when he said this - I think...
"If I was a mutant I'd join his brotherhood.  To hell with all the humans!  And Carrie would be the first to go!"

Ode to Firefly

"I feel weird justifying my attraction to space cowboys."

Confetti Clock

Dustin, the custodian, discussing possible aspects of a countdown clock & the mess it might make:
"See, that's what they'll do, & then Friday will come & I'll be like, 'Dang it, the confetti came out of the countdown clock again!'"

Also, I found this written down, but I don't remember why Mom said it to me:
"Sorry we don't have a butt-washer."

A Parent's Reason

Nix: "Daddy, can I get some gum?"
John: "No."
Nix: "Why not?"
John: "Because you leave it in weird places."

What did we do before vacuums?

Mom:  "He's going to vacuum his head."

Also, I was told to add this one:
Dustin & I were discussing people who leave toilets unflushed, especially solid waste, & this comment came up:  "Seriously, you made all that effort to get that in there, why not just lean over & press the button when you're done?"

Bonnie, again with the violence?

Bonnie:  "I've been known to karate chop without provocation."

And last week, out of the blue, Mom:  "Oh, did you hear about the fug?"
It's a real word - look it up.

Oh, boy.

A patron just asked me where the magazines are.  I asked him if he was wanting adult magazines (as opposed to children's or teen's), he said yes & I directed him to where he could find them.  Then he paused, & said, "Maybe your definition of adult magazines is different from mine...I want magazines about flying & trains."  I assured him that I was sending him to the right place.  He said, "When you said adult magazines, I thought..." & made a face.

Hm.  How would that go over with the general public, if we offered adult magazines?  Yikes.

I told Mom & Dad that I need to hang out with them more...

Dad was holding what looked like a piece of plumbing pipe, & when I asked what it was he said it was a joint that Mom had found.

Then the next day Mom told me she had a couple bottoms that were falling apart.

Fiddler

A few weeks ago I told Mom that maybe we should get her a designated fiddle item.  She's a fiddler - her fingers are always playing with something.  Her reply:

"No, I'm perfectly fine fiddling with whatever's at hand."

It's way early. Good thing I have coworkers to wake me up.

Lucy:  "How old will the Lik-n-Stik be next year?" 
I've just never known anyone who worried about the age of a Lik-n-Stik.

And later, I was referred to as a chocolate-filled ogre.

They told me it was a compliment - I'll reserve judgment on that one.

hypocrisy

Behind a car on the way home today, which had a bumper sticker:  "Support Smokefree Restaurants."

All 3 passengers & the driver were smoking.

Book Titles - people actually get paid for these?

Found on the cart today, a fantasy story collection titled, "Fangs for the Mammaries."

I really didn't need that mental image.

Ew.

Claudia, disgustedly:  "I think there's still a carcass in there!"

(I'd found a BCD case with some sort of abandoned insect cocoon or nest in it.  Though Claudia was grossed out by it, she couldn't help giving it a closer inspection.)

I wonder what my energy affects?

So yesterday I was helping a woman get a library card.  Another woman was standing very close to her, only about a foot or so away, & I finally asked her to take a step or two back.  I have to verify people's information so I don't like to have people too close so they can overhear.  She widened her eyes & acted a little offended, but did step back.

When I was done with the first woman, I assisted the second woman & she asked me why I'd asked her to step back.  I told her it was for privacy reasons, & she said, "Oh, I thought you were going to say something about my energy interfering with your computer."  I thought that was odd, & said so, & she replied, "No, it actually happens more often than you realize, when people's energy interferes with technology that's close by.  I've had a couple of people ask me to stand somewhere else because my energy was too much for their computer."

Huh.

Backhanded, I guess, but I'll take what I can get

An apology I received via text yesterday:

"I'm sorry for overreacting to your orneriness."

A couple of classics & a couple of new ones

Okay, here's one from about 3 months ago that I never got around to posting:

Joan came out of the bathroom, & was immediately overheard saying, "I am so proud of myself!  I did it all by myself, I didn't have to ask for help!"
FYI, she wasn't really talking about what happened in the bathroom, but the timing was perfect.

About a month ago another coworker started singing, & said, "Oh no, I have the singing thing!  But you already knew that didn't you.  I didn't do jazz hands, does that count?"
I think out of all the people who wouldn't intentionally aim for landing on this blog but inadvertently end up on it, she would have the most entries.  Just saying.

Today a mom was checking out a book while I was on the desk.  Her daughter came up & asked what the mom was checking out.  The mom told her it was a book about Johnny Depp.  The girl looked at the cover & then asked, "Who's Johnny Depp?"  I think I almost cried.

Myself & two coworkers were in the back room just having one of our normally abnormal conversations.  I was kind of around the corner where I could only see one other person, & the door was hidden from my view.  I guess maybe I should be a little more careful about exactly how I phrase things because I said, "I don't think I've ever heard of a fruity primate."  Unbeknownst to me the manager had walked into the back just in time to hear me say that.  Oops.

Nix is SO addicted to video games.

Nix asked if he could watch a certain movie on his laptop.  I asked him what it was rated.  His reply:

"I don't know.  Probably E for Everyone."