Um....no?

Believe it or not, my supervisor asked this question:  "Have you ever yodeled in the library?"

I never knew Bonnie was a cruel seamstress.

"Alright, I need to go sew Garfield's butt to the shelf."

It's always the normal-seeming ones...

This is one of my favorites, I still laugh every time I remember it.  A couple of weeks ago I was at work & B asked me, "Have you ever..." & then paused, so of course I had to fill in the blanks mentally & respond.  Here's how it went.
B:  "Have you ever..."
me:  "Yes!"
B:  "Really?  How did you do it?"
me:  "Very carefully."
B:  "Huh.  So did you go around, or through?"
me:  "Through, of course."
By this time we're both laughing, then B decides it's time to stop joking around.
B:  "Okay, seriously, have you ever used a meat grinder?"

Violence!

me: "Please don't do that."
Nix:  "What, kill the TV?"

an apology

just to say:  I know I haven't posted much lately - my most common means of posting has now been verboten, & thus I write down the funny things I hear on little pieces of paper & stick them in my back pocket for safe-keeping.  When I get home I take all the little pieces of paper out & place them somewhere very safe, which I have yet to find.  So, to the 2 1/2 people who actually read this, I'm sorry, & I'll be better at posting, promise!  :)

from Mom:

"I've lost my green-light mojo!"

poor, poor Willy Wonka

While sitting in a Chinese restaurant with Nix, his dad took exception to our behavior:
"No more oompa-loompas.  I mean it."

from "Devil's Kiss" by Sarwat Chadda

"Vomitworthy.  It was the only way to describe her day, & it was barely lunchtime."

I am irresponsible!

A woman who was probably in her 60s came up to pay her fine today.  She had a friend with her, & when I informed them that I always had fines on my card the woman in front of me said she understood, but her friend said she didn't.  Then as they were walking away the friend said, "There's such a thing as responsibility."